The light (infinite self) and the individual self (ego) are not opposites. They can be seen as different positions on a continuous spectrum.
The two selves can work together beneficially for the individual and for the world.
The fear of being destroyed by the light is only seaweed carried away by the outgoing tide.
Is there a meaning to life?
Some say yes.
Some say no.
Some say, “I’m not so sure.”
Some say, “WTF. I give up. I don’t care about it anymore.”
Some may be fortunate enough to have the meaning they seek fall down on their heads like summer rain. As it is said, “Seek and ye shall find.”
Then, there are those who make their own meaning. They refuse to “surrender,” as so many religious pundits counsel them to do.
Instead, these intrepid souls stand up and refuse to be shredded by the unkind cuts of life.
They make their own meaning. They have the courage, the confidence, the motivation, the talent, and the perseverance to make it happen.
Above all else, I believe motivation and the intelligence to use talent wisely are the most important qualities for making a beneficial impact personally and inter-personally.
Talent without the requisite qualities to use it beneficially is a waste. We’ve seen too many examples in the media of people who can’t handle their talent. Who think it’s a curse rather than a gift. Who take their talent for granted. Who don’t accept the responsibility that comes with the gift.
Where am I going with this?
Ah, yes.
I’m simply making meaning in my own little way.
Through the haze and uncertainty of these hard times.
How about you?
It’s down to you and me.
I’ve been avoiding it, but it had to come.
Sooner or later.
Starting out as a drip, drip drip.
Blossoming into a thundering torrent of voices.
Voices inside of me.
Voices outside of me.
I have to stop listening to the outside voices.
I am the only one who can take it from here.
I have a singular path.
Lit by a glimmering light source.
One step at a time.
I must walk alone.
With no guide posts.
Listening only to whispers.
Hints, if you will.
Going where?
I wish I knew.
I only know I have to go there.
Or die of an empty heart in a grave of my own yearning.
Is the car running away from something? Is it running towards something? Or is it just some dumb kid with a lead foot accelerating off of a dirt shoulder? If you picked option three, you get an all expenses paid free night at a Comfort Inn in Sawdust, Idaho. Here’s a more detailed description of what happened.
The cop who gave the kid a speeding ticket has left the scene. The kid is angry. He’s also trying to impress his sixteen-year-old girlfriend sitting next to him in the bucket seat of a restored 1971 Pontiac GTO.
The kid is basically a nobody, despite his ability to restore vintage cars, who is trying to prove he’s a somebody. It doesn’t help that he’s preternaturally short and stubby for a seventeen-year-old. It does help that he’s been blessed with freakish good looks. And, he’s never had a bad case of acne. His girlfriend, Luisa, is an average-looking teenager who started wearing braces later in life than most of her peers. Fortunately for Luisa, a company called Invisalign has invented a unique clear plastic brace that doesn’t look as bad as metal braces. These braces aren’t even called braces. They are called “clear aligners.” Isn’t that clever?
(Please note: I had never heard of Invisalign before I wrote this post. I was vaguely aware that something like clear braces exist, so I Googled “Clear Braces.” Invisalign came up. For all I know, the claims the company makes are pure poppycock).
To be perfectly honest, Luisa’s good fortune regarding her braces is completely beside the point. The big question is, as I’m sure you are wondering by now, why does Luisa hang around with the kid? There is no cut and dried answer, as is the case with many things in life. It may be that she is a good listener. The kid does most of the talking in the relationship, and, as far as Louisa can determine, she is the only person around who takes an interest in what the kid has to say. Another factor is that nobody besides the kid is beating a path to Luisa’s door. So, a bird in the hand applies.
There are other subtler reasons to account for the kid’s presence in Luisa’s life. We don’t have time to get into all of them. Mainly, and to her surprise, Louisa has admitted to herself that she likes the kid. A little. Upon further examination, she has realized it’s impossible not to form a connection with someone you spend regular time with, unless that person turns out to be a serial killer.
I’ve been remiss in mentioning the kid’s name. It is Elmore. The name is another cross the kid has to bear. His father was an avid fan of the writer, Elmore Leonard. Hence the first name. Shit happens.
Elmore likes to impress anyone who will listen with his knowledge of fast cars. He likes to put adults on the spot by asking them questions like, “Do you know what the letters GTO stand for?” Occasionally, an elder will know the answer, but most of them say, Grand Touring…Uhh.
Elmore stands there smugly and says, “It stands for Gran Turismo Olomongato.”
A pregnant pause normally follows. Elmore proceeds to explain that Gran Turismo Olomongato is an Italian phrase denoting a race car that is officially sanctioned for grand tour racing competition. Upon hearing this, Elmore’s audiences generally find an excuse to peel off in another direction, leaving Elmore to ponder why such a phenomenon happens with maddening regularity. He then consoles himself with the thought that most people beyond the age of twenty-one have become passionless souls obsessed with boring careers.
I’ll have to end here, because I know that people don’t like to read long blogs. I started writing this by randomly downloading the picture at the top. I recommend it as a fun exercise if you have no clue what to write about. If I had something socially redeemable to write about, I would. If you are looking for a theme to this blog, try this: To Stay Sane in the Midst of a Worldwide Pandemic, Sometimes It Helps to Write About Nonsense. This is probably a good practice any old time.
Questions abound as to what will happen to Elmore and Luisa. How will they grow as characters? Will they fall in love? Who besides these two will enter the story? What is the central conflict. And who is the antagonist? If you have any interest, let me know and I’ll continue the saga. And, if you have any story ideas, don’t be shy to suggest them. Your thoughts are welcome.
Saniel Bonder
I’ve been working towards a spiritual awakening for most of my adult life, and it seems I’m on the brink of a promising development in my growth process. There are many paths to “higher consciousness” and many kinds of spiritual awakenings. In fact, each of us is destined for his or her own unique awakening. For the past five years, I’ve been involved in something called “Waking Down in Mutuality.” WDM is a path that nurtures an embodied individual awakening through energetic transmission and various forms of study and group participation. There are no gurus. It is not a cult. The people who help other people to awaken are teachers and facilitators. There is no hierarchy. There is no dogma. There are no “shoulds” or “oughts.”
The chances are that you’ve never heard of anything like WDM. You’re not alone. Less than one percent of the world’s population is interested in transformative spiritual awakening. You may be wondering why I’m interested. The answer is simple: I want to experience more peace, love and joy in my life than most other pursuits can provide.
Thanks to the evolution of consciousness and the opportunities and modalities provided by WDM and its close relative, Trillium Awakening, I don’t have to be a monk or a saint to awaken. I don’t have to destroy or surrender my ego. I can just be me, whatever that is. I don’t have to separate spirit and matter. I can live a relatively normal life while opening myself to the treasures of the Heart, every chance I get.
Recently, I’ve made a discovery. It’s a big one. It’s really more of an experience than a mental concept. I’ve realized that self-worth ultimately has nothing to do with accomplishment. Equating self-worth with achievement is a trap that most of us fall into.
I’m not saying there is anything wrong with striving to accomplish things, or to be a better you, or in getting better at whatever it is you do. It definitely feels good to get things done and to improve. As an example, I enjoy the feeling of writing this. It feels good to create something new. But writing a best-selling novel will never give me the deep down satisfaction, wholeness, and completeness that my heart craves. This type of satisfaction can only be found buried deep within my heart. The same is true for you.
I’m not sure where I’m going from here, but I’m confident it will lead to more and more happiness and self-satisfaction. It won’t happen overnight. What’s important is that it’s happening. As WDM founder and spiritual teacher Saniel Bonder likes to say, “The Sun in Your Heart is Rising.” That sounds pretty good to me.
Am I supposed to quietly fade out of existence, like a blinking star or a guttering candle?
I am hurtling too fast down this ramshackle track of aging.
Is there a ghost town waiting for me over the next hill?
As the train emerges from the tunnel into the twilight, I can see rows of gravestones rising at awkward angles out of the dead leaves and high grass of the cemetery.
Stranded, as my loved ones leave me here—alone—I wait, like a beached whale thrown up by the sea, for the next wave, which does not arrive.
I feel too much like that beached whale.
Night falls.
Cool breezes replace the heat of the cruel sun.
A stranger walks alone on the beach.
Has he come to push me back into the life-giving sea? My whale flesh feels cold and dry to his touch. He peers into my dull blue eye.
I wonder if he can see the young whale swimming. Once again, in the ocean of pure consciousness.
This is not fun. Of course, life is not all about having fun, but there has to be more fun than this. I’m not referring only to the virus outbreak.
I heard Sean Connery saying, while surrounded by his children and grandchildren, that his “third act” (or eighth decade of life) was “Shite.” His statement surprised me when I heard it some ten or fifteen years ago. With all that Sean Connery has accomplished, and surrounded by an ample number of lovely and prosperous family members, how can his life be shit, I thought?
Maybe I’m starting to understand what old Sean was talking about. When I (we) see our options constricting, life can be like a tunnel that narrows as we walk ahead. I keep telling myself to focus on bigger and brighter things, but the bigger and brighter things keep turning into cliff edges overlooking precipitous drops through cloud cover and down into oblivion.
Let the light in, I tell myself. Imagine the light coming into you. See things from a higher perspective. The path of embodied awakening was supposed to work for me. Seven years ago, it seemed like the perfect solution to my dilemma. The idea is to be human and realize your divinity and live it simultaneously.
Well folks, it’s easier said than done. Looks like there ain’t nothin’ easy here. Still, I have to respect my limitations and do the best that I can. I have to expand without falling off a steep cliff or drowning in a bog of quicksand.
Dropping down into oneself can be a good thing, but not into a tar pit of misery. Where is the positivity, and the healing, and the way out of misery? There are so many misery traps surrounding us. I’m not looking for trouble or more misery. I’m looking for a safe way through or out of this.
Not every experience is going to be wonderful, but somehow there has to be a lake of resilience and peace residing within us to draw from. I’m speaking again in glowing terms, but what else is there to strive for except a positive inner experience. I can’t help thinking this way.
Am I chasing an impossible dream?
I’m sure everyone is going through some version of what I’m describing. The question is: how do I (we) make our inner and outer lives better despite the obstacles of aging or whatever obstacles are in the way. I know the “Way” varies from one individual to another. There is no “One Way.”
And ultimately, there is no “Way” at all. There is simply being.
I’d like there to be an abundance of light in this being. I’d like to carry it with me out into the world. I’d like to shine it on you, and everyone, and everywhere.
David Gittlin has written three feature length screenplays, produced two short films, and published three novels. Before quitting his day job, he spent more than thirty years as a marketing director building expertise in advertising, copy writing, corporate communications, collateral sales materials, website content/design and online marketing.
Three Days to Darkness 